The Confident Girl: Does Not Shift Blame
Written by: HillaryJane
“You are not a broom. You were not made to push things around. You are a daughter of God and you were created to reflect this glory.”
Has a friend, spouse, boyfriend or family member ever done anything wrong that needed to be addressed? I can assume the answer is yes, unless your only friend is Jesus! Maybe they spoke to you rudely or promised they would do something but forgot?
Okay so you go to tell your boyfriend, “Hey I didn’t like the way you said that to me,” and their first response might be, “Ya, well you always [fill in the blank].” When things like this happen my first inclination is to respond with something like, “We’re talking about you right now… not me.” If you have ever had a conversation like this, you know how frustrating it can be.
One of the key characteristics of a maturing Christian is the ability to accept correction without blame shifting. I used someone else at the end of the blame shifting scenario, but is it ever you that shifts the blame?
Are you sometimes the one that wants to flip the conversation to avoid the shame of correction?
Here are three things that happen when we blame-shift that we mayt not notice have very serious implications and consequences.
You are not receiving correction the way a godly person should:
“Listen to advice and accept correction, and in the end you will be wise.” Proverbs 19:20
If a believer is speaking to you, try and see it as a grace from God. Listen well for God’s direction through this friend. One of the main ways the Holy Spirit shapes and changes our hearts to look more like Him is through the people of God. Not saying we can’t learn from a non-believer, but it is MUCH more likely for a believer, someone who treasures God’s truth, to speak God’s truth to you. What does this scripture say? “Listen...you will be wise.” Heed the wisdom of others with grace and you will gain wisdom. Do you want to grow spiritually? Do not despise the wisdom of the Lord.
“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” Proverbs 12:1, ESV
We want to respond sharply to correction because it is discipline. Coming from a home where disciple was often lacking or misplaced, I abhorred authority growing up. Especially since I've been on my own as an “adult” since I was 16 years old. I have always found it hard to accept correction. I didn’t have anyone to tell me what to do, so I was forced to figure it out on my own. I have hurt people, caused issues, and missed major opportunities to gain the wisdom of God because of this attitude. God says he disciplines those he loves. (Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6) If you say you are someone that loves the knowledge of God, that love should also produce love for His discipline in you. Scripture literally calls people who cannot take discipline stupid. That's God’s word, not mine!
You make others your moral standard, not Christ.
When we hurry to try and cover the foulness of our sin by comparing it to someone else's, we tread in muddy territory. Without knowing it you are making their sin a sort of standard to compare yourself to instead of holding your own actions up against a holy God for examination. If this is how you play the game it is always going to be easy to feel good about your faults because there will always be someone “worse” than you. Yeah, I might have stolen a lip gloss from the makeup section but I didn’t steal someone’s car. I might have robbed a bank but at least I didn’t kill a man. Other humans are not our standard, Christ is. You see what I am saying? Yes, we have all fallen short, that’s not even a question. (Romans 3:23) But someone else's failures cannot become a crutch to distract from addressing your own.
You make light of your own sin.
We have to be extremely careful not to treat sin lightly as if God is not holy. Yes, If you are saved, The Father sees you with the imputed righteousness of Christ meaning Jesus’ holiness is “on you.” That’s what God sees when He looks at you. You can never lose that, BUT that in no way means we are no longer obligated to see God as holy and worship him as such. Whenever we shift blame and draw attention to others sin’s because we are too prideful to confront our own, we treat it as if it does not grieve God’s heart. A low view of sin is ultimately a low view of God.. Be the first one to admit your failings to others and most importantly to God. Be the first one to apologize to who you have affected and repent before the Lord. Be the first to use it as a moment to point to God’s mercy and grace. Be the first to thank God for the way he uses those in your life, though it may sting, to help mold you into the image of your Savior.
“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” Philippians 3:12, ESV Keep a humble heart thought it all, the humble will see the kingdom of God. When you want to quickly push around blame and make light of you sin, remember: You are not a broom. You were not made to push things around. You are a daughter of God and you were created to reflect this glory.
Take some time to reflect on your heart and ask the Lord to reveal if you are a blame-shifter. Repent of specific moments then thank God for His Grace and ability to change your heart. Ask for forgiveness from anyone you have hurt and walk with a clean heart!