The Confident Girl Reads: Not Yet Married
Written by: Haylee Roberts
Three years ago, I wrote this:
"You are a 20 something Christian. Somewhere between high school youth group and marriage conferences is you. In all your unmarried, God-glorifying, beauty. Paul teaches singleness as a gift and it absolutely is, but sometimes it doesn't really feel like a gift.
I am an in-betweener. I feel this tug on my heart to be a wife and a mom. I feel as though God has placed me in this life to serve a family, but I'm not there yet. I have been struggling to figure out what my purpose is during this time.. So where does that leave me?
It leaves me searching, asking, and growing.
There are so many things I can do in this time that I won't be able to do once my life with a family has started. So right now, I do all the things I can't do in a future season. I am taking a class I could not have taken while maintaining a home. I read tons and tons because I have time!!! I enjoy my single friends and our lack of responsibilities. I sleep (I've heard once the kids come, you just stop sleeping all together!). I seek adventure and passion.
We must never forget that we are doing now is not any less glorifying to the Lord than a woman serving her family. We are just as effective in serving Him as someone who is married. Regardless of what many Christian churches and teachers would make us believe.
If you feel called to marriage, this time is just as important as actually being married. This is something I have struggled with greatly. I find myself just wanting to skip this season of life and get to the "good stuff." But this IS the good stuff!! There will be struggles that come with every season, but that is never a reason to let them pass us by. So in this time, as confusing and hard as it is, do things you couldn't do when married. Choose joy and glorify him in all things. He delights in your service, married or not."
Today, I find this excerpt to be just as relevant and just as difficult as I did in 2015. It is hard to be single. It is joyful and has many benefits, but it is HARD. I will be the first to say that watching each of my friends be married before me is one of my most difficult challenges. My life, as of now, consists of bridal showers, bachelorette parties, wedding planning, and weddings. Much of my time and much of my finances are dedicated to celebrating those I love most creating a covenant with those they love most. I am incredibly excited for them. Many of them are faithful, Godly women that have waited patiently for God to reveal their other halves.
I, on the other hand, am not particularly marked by gentleness or patience in my wait. Anyone that knows me, knows I long to be married. This longing overwhelms much of my life. When asked by my pastor how he could pray for me, I asked him to pray for my contentment. Contentment is the constant cry of my heart. I struggle so deeply to be satisfied with this stage of my life. Just as I said in 2015, I long for the "good stuff." I would say that my own writing is not enough encouragement for my heart. I can say with my mouth that singleness is a gift, but my heart loathes the lack of a ring on my finger.
I know there are women that share my feelings. I know many of my single friends feel the same. Because I know this is a prevalent issue in our Christian circles, I thought the book Not Yet Married by Marshall Segal would be the perfect book to recommend next. After reading Segal's book, I felt more secure and encouraged in my singleness than I ever had in my life. He offers so many practical applications for singleness along with statistics regarding marriage. In reality, most people will get married. There is a high statistical possibility of marriage. I won't say all people will be married, but the majority will. This also means that most people have a short window of adulthood singleness to enjoy, utilize, and grow. Segal encourages readers to use this time wisely and to not wait for marriage to start serving the Lord.
If you are single, READ THIS BOOK. I have not found a better resource for believers in this area. I would consider this book an invaluable tool for those of us who long for the next season and need a real perspective shift before we waste the stage of life we're in.
The Bible calls us to contentment. The famously quoted verse of "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13, ESV doesn't actually apply to winning a basketball game or enduring a hard time. Rather, that verse urges believers to joy and contentment in all circumstances because our ultimate joy is not found in our earthly lives, but in our eternal Father and the salvation he has so graciously provided!
Don't allow your singleness to taint your joy. I say this to myself as much as I say it to you. We are called to have joy in ALL circumstances, even the ones we wish could just be over already.
This weekend only, download Marshall Segal’s
Not Yet Married <--- click here!
Please let me know what you think. I'd love to chat with you and encourage your heart as we grow in this stage together.